“It’s true, I am addicted to Christianity, to
Jesus, to God, to the church, to the methods and relationships and the
high I get from my involvement in that organization. But like any
addiction to a harmful substance, it stole from me, and still will if I
I feel the pull – the twinge to get back involved – my
consecrated mind speaks to me – it represents the voice I was taught was
really the voice of god – “remember the time you had a group of loving
Christians gather around you and pray – remember how good that felt?”
Yea, it did, but was it because there was a supernatural god there or
just because we all respond to loving people who gather around us and
lay hands on us. Of course that feels good. We are made for human
touch and attention.
The problem with it all is that we have been
conditioned to equate those moments with an imaginary god that we are
taught to picture in our minds until it feels real. We are given
stories to create an image and the image is given details until we each
have a picture of how this god is supposed to look and behave. We give
the image characteristics – those characteristics vary from church to
church, person to person – so this god is very different wherever you go
– but real for that person or group just the same. We learn to get in
touch with our feelings – our needs and our loving emotions – and mix
them up with the idea of god. In a way, this might even be a healthy
psychological exercise – if there is no one around to love or be loved
by – then imagine one and feel those feelings as if it was really
happening. Same results real or imagined, right?
The problem with this
is it isn’t real, it is only imagined.
Religion is a lifestyle – and a ruler – and a cage – it has had
thousands of years to perfect its craft – and it involves a person to
the core – it demands a buy in that includes all of our thoughts and
emotions and desires. It re-organizes our thinking to get us to conform
to the group think – and we learn how to train ourselves to become the
vessels of this entity we learn to believe in. We become full of it
until it spills out of us. It fills our thinking and our behaviors. We
learn to check with the teaching before we act or think or be. The
teaching affects our thinking until it becomes built in – a part of us –
until we cannot tell where our thinking ends and the god think begins.
I could learn to love an inanimate item such as a rock with this same
conditioning. I could convince myself that the rock loves me back until
I get emotional about it and when someone challenges my relationship
with the rock I get angry and upset and feel like I am being persecuted
and misunderstood, and even that I must help others fall in love with
this rock that I now believe is so wonderful. If I daily sing to the
rock and talk to the rock and listen to the rock, I might start thinking
I have a relationship with the rock because I am tickling those same
emotions that I normally want with a real person.
But, the illusion breaks down when I
start to make demands on the rock. I need the rock to do a miracle – to
get me out of a jam – to rescue my daughter from depression or my son
from drugs or my family from debt. I pray to the rock – I try to make
deals – it takes up my time and energy and I start to feel disappointed
so I increase my passion. Maybe I was taught that the rock needs a
sacrifice – that I need to stop doing something that comes natural like
enjoy my food, so I mix ashes with it. Will the rock accept my
sacrifice and be pleased enough with me to give me some attention now?
More disappointment. I am told that the rock is angry with me for some
reason – there are many reasons the rock should be angry and give me the
cold shoulder. I am told its always my fault if the rock doesn’t do a
miracle. It is my fault that the promises the rock made are unkept.
Soon I discover that this relationship is totally one sided – it won’t
exist unless I do all of the work. My god, the rock, never initiates
conversation or surprises me for my birthday with flowers. This rock
just sits there and I have to be the one to sing and talk and pray and
worship to make it real.
So I come to my senses, but the guilt follows me. I hear the
conditioning tell me that I have disappointed the rock, and I will
suffer for it. I see a group of rock worshippers and I feel the pull
back into fellowship. Like a gambler, I tell myself, maybe it will work
if it give it one more chance. Then I get disappointed again and leave
again only to return again. Like a real addict.
It takes time to become healed from the conditioning. Our logical minds
need to be nurtured again – and our disappointments remembered. A group
like ex-Christians helps. it is good to hear the stories of others who
gave in to the rock, were burned, abused, disappointed, lied to, and
messed with, to help us out of the mind control. For some of us, the
illusion went so deep that we still feel the fear and anxiety of trying
to please an unpleasable god and being told that we were failing, and
our self esteem suffered deep psychological scars. But I believe that
in time if we keep moving toward the light of understanding and logic
and reconditioning our thinking that we will find the kind of peace and
happiness that is available. For some it may require professional
“The Rev. William Thomas Faucher, accused of child porn and drug
crimes, was role playing with a fellow author in some of the chatroom
conversations in which he’s alleged to have said he wanted to rape and
kill children, his attorney said in court Friday.“
The 72-year-old retired priest
has been in the Ada County Jail the past four weeks — after his bond was
raised to $1 million by Magistrate Judge James Cawthon — and it doesn’t
look like he’ll be getting out anytime soon.
Manweiler argued that the priest
isn’t ambulatory — he requires a walker or wheelchair to get around —
and poses no “functional” danger to the public.
Judge Scott said not all victims of sex crimes are obtained by force.
“Some are lured by guile,” Scott said.
Scott said the evidence from
Faucher’s devices, specifically his computer and cellphone, “justify
Judge Cawthon’s conclusion that the defendant simply can’t be released
Faucher was arrested on Feb. 2.
He is now charged with 24 crimes: 21 counts of felony sexual
exploitation of a child, one count of felony possession of a controlled
substance (LSD) and two counts of misdemeanor possession of a controlled
substance (marijuana and ecstasy).
friends include many top Idaho politicians, including Gov. Butch Otter,
Lt. Gov. Brad Little and Boise Mayor David Bieter.
Manweiler described the charges
against Faucher as “sensational and salacious.” He said there were never
any reports of Faucher having inappropriate conduct with children until
after the church put out a call in February for anyone abused by the
priest to come forward.
Two people have come forward to accuse Faucher of child sexual abuse decades ago. Both have chosen to remain anonymous.
Ada County Prosecutor Kassandra
Slaven told Scott about the 2,000 images and videos that investigators
seized from Faucher’s devices. She said the files depict the brutal rape
and torture of children, including toddlers and infants.
She described graphic chatroom talks that Faucher is alleged to have engaged in:
She said Faucher encouraged
someone he was chatting with to rape and kill a boy, and he expressed an
interest in raping and killing children. She said he talked about “his
favorite age of a boy being 14.” He also discussed poisoning a
neighbor’s dog, she said.
“At some point he says, and this
is a quote from Mr. Faucher: ‘Yes, I want to do something truly evil
before I die. The thought of killing someone does begin to excite me,’”